DAY 24

Where to begin, where to begin? The Lady just lost her shit on me and I kinda had it coming.

Last weekend she put me in my pod and sat me in the window while she cleaned the cage. Normally a cause for concern since life outside my cage is still dangerous but it was the perfect time to check in with the ferrets. It seems that the cats next door have been in collusion with the Rat Brothers and have been eliminated. I love those ferrets. And they work for KFC, which not many people would expect. This hit cost me an extra 6 biscuits but it was (of course) worth it.

When she cleaned the cage she changed the flooring to this blue thing with faces all over it. The Tall One calls it "Bakugan Sheets". It's freaky. There are faces looking up my butt. I liked the flowers better...actually Bettina http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16791652 liked the flowers better. She said it reminded her of growing up in the Nebraska prairie. When The Lady cleaned the cage she installed a hut. I think she expected me to sit on top of it but that would put the tips of my ears just in range of snipers. I paid good money to have my ears done that summer in Peru and I'm not risking them now so I sit under it instead.

When I realized how nice it was under there, I tried to get the Guinea Pigs to put in an elevator under the stool which descends to the carrot mines' hot springs. I called up Chris and Pat in engineering http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/13797622 to get some drawings together and they were all "blah blah Building Codes" and "yada yada manpower spread too thinly" and my favorite "A motor that size would take a loan from the IMF".

I admit I lost my temper here. Seriously, after all I do for these guys and this is the response I get? Who sends them Harry and David gift baskets every Christmas? Who had the jungle gym put in the daycare center? Do they even know how hard it is to find a jungle gym for guinea pigs? All I want is a lousy elevator (Chris really shouldn't have pointed out that it would technically be called a de-elevator) under my hut to take me through several hundred feet of solid rock, utility pipes and earth completely silently so that I can take a schvitz. I started tearing through the flooring with my teeth, the plastic layer came up easily and in pieces, the fabric layer I pulled through the bars and the carpet was coming up easily in strings before Chris and Pat jumped on me and calmed me down. I just needed to prove that all this project needs is a little elbow grease and some passion. It's obviously not my fault that The Lady put my litter pan so close to the now exposed carpet.

So now my cage is re-cleaned and she moved my hut to another corner. DAMMIT. The plans will have to be redrawn.