DAY 9

A truly harrowing near-miss this weekend.

Thursday night The Man took me out of the cage (which was cool because The Smaller One was playing Wii and I have the Sector 7 Guinea Pigs working on adapting Wii technology so that I can one day use my ears to control a bullet proof car) and parked me on his shoulder on the couch.

On Saturday, The Lady cleaned the cage. At first it was all cool. She tidied and spruced, offered me some lettuce...no problem. She opened the gate and put a nice leafy piece just outside the door. Obviously, I couldn't get at it. New Ferret intel showed that the Rat Brothers, Shultz and Hogan http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/15495420, are back in town. I'm not quite clear on what I did to piss off rat assassins but I know enough to stay clear. The Guinea Pigs' new laser beam cage enhancements mean I'm totally fine in here but I don't know if The Lady has upgraded her pressure sensors and motion detectors in the last few years. Judging by the non-hd tv set I'm thinking No.

Anyway - I digress - the lettuce was clearly out of bounds...when I didn't go for it SHE LIFTED ME UP AND SET ME ON THE CARPET! What the Frak?! And she was all "Here's a strawberry Bun Bun" and "Do you want some more lettuce?" You know what I wanted?? To NOT die. That's pretty much it. To avoid the crosshairs I took off for a nice nook behind the couch but my hind end wouldn't quite fit (note: remind guinea pigs to fix treadmill) so I backed out and tried to tunnel under the cage. The Taller One got involved and tried to scratch my head, there's a 30 second window there I can't remember and then his grabby hands put me back inside the perimeter.

Holy Hell that was close. As much as the Guinea Pigs seem to hate the Ferrets thay have their purposes.

I moved up my massage and added some aromatherapy. And pot. Lots of pot.